Psychiatric Hotline

Hello.  Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and we know what you
want; just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic - listen carefully - and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesnt matter which number you press, no
one will answer.

If this is an emergency and you require the care and guidance of a
highly-skilled, trained professional, you are out of luck because they were
all cut back or forced out.  However, if you are willing to hold, one of
our cross-trained, multi-skilled, team members will be happy to serve you
as best as they can after he or she gets finished scrubbing the floor.

Thanks to Jeff Dehmel for this contribution

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This message was sent on 10 Jan 1997