Joke + Perplexing Proverbs + Perplexing Poem

I was a bit too tired to mess around with the computer yesterday, to send
out the mailing. :( Sorry.  

Here's a joke, the complete "Perplexing Proverbs", and a "Perplexing Poem"!
More than 650 people had written in with the missing answers.  The reason
eludes me right now, but I won't mention the names of the people who
responded! :)  Anyway, here's a big 'Thank You' for sending in your answers.
Many people seem to have found Proverb #12 to be the most difficult.  
                                             - Roshan
--- Today's Joke ----------------
Once two hunters got lost in the forest.  The first hunter said, "Now we
must be calm."  The second hunter agreed, "You're right.  I once read that
if you get lost you should shoot three times into the air and someone will
come and rescue you."

So they did this, but nothing happened.  They did it again, but still no
help came.  They repeated this several times without results.  Finally the
first hunter said, "What are we going to do now?"  And the second hunter
replied, "I don't know.  We're almost out of arrows!"

--- Perplexing Proverbs ----------------
1.  A rotating fragment of minerals collects no plants of the class Musci.
    - A rolling stone gathers no moss.

2.  Exercise your visual facilities prior to executing a jump.
    - Look before you leap.

3.  An excess of individuals skilled in the preparation of edibles impairs
    the quality of a thin derivative of meat.
    - Too many cooks spoil the broth.

4.  A feathered biped in the terminal part of the arm equals in value a pair
    of feathered bipeds in densly branched shrubbery.
    - A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

5.  Everything is legitimate in matters pertaining to ardent affection and
    armed conflict between nations.
    - All's fair in love and war.

6.  The herbage is customarily more verduous on the diametrical selvage of
    the property division.
    - The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

7.  A single unit of a seam properly distributed at the correct measure of
    duration will maintain a square root of 81.
    - A stitch in time saves nine.

8.  Feathered bipeds in their segregated environment associate with a high
    degree of amiability.
    - Birds of a feather flock together.

9.  Any object that ascends into the stratosphere irrevocably and inevitable
    descends to terra firma.
    - What goes up, must come down.

10. Reclining early on one's couch and rising with the sun creates one who
    is salutary, opulent, and erudite.
    - Early to bed, and early to rise, makes one healthy, wealthy and wise.

11. Taciturnity is aurous.
    - Silence is golden. 

12. Superfluous chronological dispatch institutes riddance of valued
    - Haste makes waste.

13. There's no sense demanding attention by loud screeches over fallen white
    liquid derived from the lactic glands of a female bovine.
    - There's no use crying over spilt milk.

14. Splintered wood and mineral chunks can rupture my skeletal system, but
    nomenclatures do not injure me.
    - Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

15. Monetary exchange is the source of everything sinful.
    - The love of money is the root of all evil.

16. Visualizing is the equivalent to having faith.
    - Seeing is believing.

17. Pulchritude pertains solely to the epidermis.
    - Beauty is only skin deep.

18. Immature homo sapiens should be endowed with visibility but not oral
    - Children should be seen but not heard.

19. If primary failure is imminent, new attempts should be made
    - If at first you don't succeed, try and try again.

20. A ferrous alloy rope fashioned of interlocking loops is only as hearty
    as its least potent section.
    - A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

21. One more than one is a congenial group of invited guests, but one more
    than two is a multitude.
    - Two's company, three's a crowd.

22. Hemoglobin is more viscous than H2O.
    - Blood is thicker than water.

23. Perambulate in moccasins, and shoulder a gargantuan wooden rail.
    - Walk softly and carry a big stick.
    | The original quote was "_Speak_ softly and carry a big stick; you will
    | go far." made by President Theodore Roosevelt on September 2nd, 1901.

24. Lack of what is required is the matriarch of inspiration.
    - Necessity is the mother of invention.

25. Allow somnolent quadrapeds to remain reclining.
    - Let sleeping dogs lie.

26. A maximum amount of purposeful activity and a minimum amount of disport
    and dalliance cause Jack to become a dim-witted, stagnant dunce of 
    the male species.
    - All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

27. That which is acquired without difficulty is dispersed with equal
    - Easy come, easy go.

28. It is more desirable to exist in the medium of time which constitutes a
    later than desirable date than not to exist in the time period at all.
    - Better late than never.

29. A red fruit of the Maius family absorbed into the digestive system 
    every 1440 minutes or 86,400 seconds keeps a medical disciple from 
    entering your home sweet home.
    - An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

30. Individuals continuing daily functions surrounded by fused sand
    structures should be forbidden to hurl missles.
    - People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

31. Refrain from enumerating your poultry precursory to their incubation and
    emergence from their embryonic habitat.
    - Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

32. It is more desirable to have expressed and received amatory exchanges in
    the medium of time which constitutes an earlier than desirable date than 
    at no time to have ever expressed and received amatory exchanges.
    - It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Thanks to Chris Cholas for the initial contribution.

--- The Poem ----------------
    Scintillate, scintillate, galopogus specific.
    How I do wonder your nature terrific.
    Freely suspended in ether capacious,
    Somewhat resembling a gem carbonacious.


    Twinkle, twinkle little star.
    How I wonder what you are.
    Up above the world so high,
    Like a diamond in the sky.
                 (origin unknown)

Thanks to Robin G. Sharman for this contribution

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This message was sent on 26 Nov 1996