The Ultimate Exam Paper

This would be an example of any student's nightmare of a paper:

Instructions:  Read each question carefully.  Answer all questions.
               Time Limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.
1)  H I S T O R Y
    Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the 
    present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on 
    its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical 
    impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa.  Be brief, concise, 
    and specific.     
2)  M E D I C I N E
     You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and 
     a bottle of Scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not suture until 
     your work has been inspected.  You have 15 minutes.

3)  P U B L I C  S P E A K I N G
    Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the 
    classroom. Calm them.  You may use any ancient language except 
    Latin or Greek.    
4)  B I O L O G Y
    Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human 
    culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years 
    earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the 
    English parliamentary system.  Prove your thesis.
5)  M U S I C
    Write a piano concerto.  Orchestrate and perform it with flute 
    and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
6)  P S Y C H O L O G Y
    Based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate the 
    emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed 
    frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, 
    Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi.
    Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, 
    making appropriate references.  It is not necessary to translate.
7)  S O C I O L O G Y
    Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end 
    of the world.  Construct an experiment to test your theory.
8)  M A N A G E M E N T  S C I E N C E
    Define management.  Define science.  How do they relate?  Why?  
    Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial 
    decisions.  Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each 
    terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications 
    interface and all necessary control programs.
9)  E N G I N E E R I N G
    The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed 
    in a box onyour desk.  You will also find an instruction manual, 
    printed in Swahili.  In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be 
    admitted to the room.  Take whatever action you feel is 
    appropriate.  Be prepared to justify your decision.
10) E C O N O M I C S

    Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.  
    Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: 
    Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light.  
    Outline a method for preventing these effects.  Criticize this 
    method from all possible points of view.  Point out the 
    deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your  
    answer to the last question.
11) P O L I T I C A L  S C I E N C E
    There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War 
    III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
12) E P I S T E M O L O G Y
    Take a position for or against truth.  Prove the validity of your
13) P H Y S I C S
    Explain the nature of matter.  Include in your answer an 
    evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on 
14) P H I L O S O P H Y
    Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its 
    significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of 
15) G E N E R A L  K N O W L E D G E
     Describe in detail.  Be objective and specific.
* *  E X T R A  C R E D I T * *
     Define the universe; give three examples.

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This message was sent on 11 Oct 1996