Computer term daffynitions

   BIT             A word used to describe computers, as in "Our
                   daughter's computer cost quite a bit." 
   BOOT            What your friends give you because you spend
                   too much time bragging about your computer     
   BUG             What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny 
                   green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. 
                   Also: what computer magazine companies do to 
                   you after they get your name on their mailing 
   CHIPS           The fattening, non-nutritional food computer 
                   users eat to avoid having to leave their 
                   keyboards for meals. 
   COPY            What you have to do during school tests because 
                   you spend too much time at the computer and not 
                   enough time studying. 
   CURSOR          What you turn into when you can't get your 
                   computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!" 
   DISK            What goes out in your back after bending over a 
                   computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip. 
   DUMP            The place all your former hobbies wind up soon 
                   after you install your computer. 
   ERROR           What you made the first time you walked into a 
                   computer showroom to "just look." 
   EXPANSION UNIT  The new room you have to build on to your home 
                   to house your computer and all its peripherals. 
   FILE            What a secretary can now do to her nails six 
                   and a half hours a day, now that the computer 
                   does her day's work in 30 minutes. 

   FLOPPY          The condition of a constant computer user's 
                   stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady 
                   diet of junk food (see Chips"). 
   HARDWARE        Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other 
                   heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on 
                   since getting your computer.

   IBM             The kind of missile your family members and 
                   friends would like to drop on your computer so 
                   you'll pay attention to them again. 
   MENU            What you'll never see again after buying a 
                   computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a 
   MONITOR         Often thought to be a word associated with 
                   computers, this word actually refers to those 
                   obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall 
                   pass at school. 
   PROGRAMS        Those things you used to look at on your 
                   television before you hooked your computer up 
                   to it. 

   RETURN          What lots of people do with their computers 
                   after only a week and a half.
   TERMINAL        A place where you can find buses, trains and 
                   really good deals on hot computers. 
   WINDOW          What you heave the computer out of after you 
                   accidentally erase a program that took you 
                   three days to set up. 

Thanks to Buddhika Kottahachchi for this contribution.

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This message was sent on 24 Sep 1996