Satan & St. Peter

The huge nut tree by the fence of the town cemetery was always laden with
the delicious stuff, but nobody ever picked them. Not until the day when two
young boys went a-nut-picking that is. They filled up a bucketful of nuts
and seated themselves comfortably by the root of the huge tree, safely out
of sight from anybody outside the cemetery, and began the process of
dividing the collection evenly amongst themselves - "One for you, one for
me.... One for you, one for me..." went one of them as he divided the nuts
one by one. The bucket was so full that as he pulled out a nut, several
specimens would roll out towards the fence, but there were so many to go
that the boys didn't mind.

Cycling down the road by the cemetery was this young fella on his
newly-acquired bike. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside
the cemetery, and slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he did hear a
voice "One for you, One for me.... One for you,....." but could not trace
where it was coming from. Then suddenly, he realized what it was. "Oh my
God!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St.Peter dividing the souls at the
cemetery!". "Quick, I must find someone else to listen to this, otherwise no
one else would believe me.". So he cycled down the road a bit, and to his
relief there was an old man with a walking stick, hobbling his way towards
the town. 

"Sir, sir, come quickly please. " he said, "You won't believe what I heard.
Satan and St.Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls. I heard them
myself - come with me, I'll show you". 

"Shoo off ya young brat you! Ya know no end of ya silly practical jokes, you
do." the man said.  "Having the noive to ask me to walk back all the woi to
the cemetery - Can't ya see I'm finding it difficult to walk as it is!.  Now
shoo off before I whack ya one with moi walking stick!  Young folk my day
treated elders with respect, you hear me, RESPECT!" 

However, after several belated pleas, the young fellow finally talked the
old man into hobbling his way back to the cemetery, and sure enough, they
heard the mysterious voice from somewhere inside, "One for you, one for
me... One for you, one...."

"Egad, laddie you's been speakin' the throot all thees toime." whispered the
old man. "Let's see if we can catch a glimpse of the Devil heemself." and
shivering with fear, edged toward the cemetery fence along with the young
lad. Peeking in from just outside the fence, they still couldn't see
anything, but sure enough, still heard - 

"One for you, one for me.... One for you, one for me.... And one last one
for you. There, that's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and
we'll be done."

(It was later revealed that the old man with the walking stick made it to
the town several minutes before the young lad on the bike!) 

Thanks to Uditha Weliwita for this contribution.

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This message was sent on 28 Aug 1996