ADMINISTRANDIUM WORLD'S HEAVIEST ELEMENT DISCOVERED The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physicists. The element, tentatively know as Administrandium, has no proton and no electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 70 vice neutrons and 161 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 244. These particles are held together in the nucleus by a strong force that involves the continuous exchange of meson like particles called morons. Since it has no electrons it is chemically inert. However it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with.. In one experiment researchers found that a minute amount of Administrandium added to a reaction caused the reaction to take four days. Without the Administrandium the reaction took less than one second. Administrandium has a normal half life of approximately three years at which time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Preliminary studies suggest that in each of these reorganizations the numbers of neutrons actually increases.. Research indicates that Administrandium occurs naturally in the atmosphere but it tends to concentrate in artificial structures built on the lowest tender such a government agencies and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best equipped, best maintained and best appointed buildings.
This message was sent on 27 Mar 1996