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Tagline Collection

0-9 A B C D E F G H I J L M N O P Q R S T U V W Y

This is the list of taglines which keep changing in the humour list signature.

0-9

  • 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbour's Pentium.
  • 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
  • "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
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A

  • A Closed Mouth Gathers No Feet
  • A computer never forgives or forgets.
  • A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
  • A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
  • A good friend knows what you need before you ask.
  • A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
  • A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
  • A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
  • A man of few words lacks vocabulary!
  • A path without obstacles probably leads nowhere.
  • A penny saved is ridiculous.
  • A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
  • Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
  • Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
  • After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
  • All computers wait at the same speed.
  • All general statements are false.
  • All that glitters has a high refractive index.
  • "All the world's a stage; the play was just badly miscast." --Oscar Wilde
  • All true wisdom is found in taglines.
  • All true wisdom is found on computers.
  • All true wisdom is found through juggling.
  • All true wisdom is found through programming.
  • All true wisdom is found through yo-yos.
  • All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
  • All's well that ends.
  • Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  • An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
  • An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
  • An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
  • An ounce of keeping-your-mouth shut sure beats a ton of explanation.
  • An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • And pray tell, whose imagination are you a figment of?
  • And which parallel universe did you crawl out of???
  • Any given program costs more and takes longer.
  • Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
  • Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
  • Any product cut to length will be too short.
  • Any program will expand to fill available memory.
  • Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
  • Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times, definitely will.
  • Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
  • Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
  • As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
  • As a rule, the freedom of any people can be judged by the volume of their laughter.
  • As I said before, I never repeat myself.
  • ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
  • Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
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B

  • Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
  • Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
  • Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
  • Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
  • Be different, act normal.
  • BE REALISTIC: Plan for a miracle
  • Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
  • Before they made him, they broke the mold.
  • Before you meet your handsome prince you may have to kiss a lot of toads.
  • Being normal is driving me crazy.
  • Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
  • Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
  • Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
  • Bouncy ball is the source of all goodness and light.
  • BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
  • BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
  • BUREAUCRACY: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.
  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
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C

  • C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
  • C program run. C program crash. C programmer switch to BASIC.
  • C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
  • Change is inevitable -- except from a vending machine.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage
  • Commands don't kill programs; programmers kill programs!
  • "Common sense is genius dressed in it's working clothes" - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
  • Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
  • Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
  • CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
  • Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
  • Conscience: What hurts when everything else feels so good.
  • Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
  • Consultant: n. One who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then keeps the watch.
  • Continue to be yourself because in the end that's what people will remember about you.
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D

  • Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
  • DANGER! I drive like you do.
  • DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
  • Did anyone see my lost carrier?
  • Did I tell you I went to a seminar about memory enhancement?
  • Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. -Seneca
  • Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
  • DISCLAIMER: I have nothing to do with anything at all. PERIOD.
  • Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
  • Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
  • Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
  • Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
  • Documentation - The worst part of programming.
  • Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  • Don't ask me any questions. I just might tell you the truth.
  • Don't get mad, get even.
  • Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
  • Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
  • Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
  • DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
  • Double your drive space - delete Windows!
  • Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
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E

  • E = mc^2 +- 3db
  • E-mail pigeons nest in binary trees.
  • E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
  • EMBARASSMENT: Spitting out the car window when it isn't open.
  • Enough research will tend to support your theory.
  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
  • Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
  • Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
  • Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
  • Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
  • Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
  • Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
  • Everything goes wrong all at once.
  • Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
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F

  • Famous Last Words: "Hey! This really is a bottomless pit!!!"
  • Feed a stranger's expired parking meter...he may someday feed yours....
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • Forgive and remember.
  • Formula for success: Underpromise and overdeliver. -Tom Peters
  • Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
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G

  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
  • Good day for a bread maker: finding a four loaf cleaver.
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H

  • Happiness can't buy money.
  • Happiness is a state of mind... take time to laugh.
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  • Hard work may not kill me, but why take chances.
  • Have you noticed that the wrong phone numbers are never busy?
  • He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
  • He who forgives ends the quarrel. . . . .
  • He who hesitates is probably right.
  • He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
  • He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
  • He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest!
  • Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
  • Help support helpless victims of computer error.
  • Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
  • Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
  • Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
  • History does not repeat itself, but it often rhymes. --Mark Twain
  • History is an inaccurate narration of what ought not to have happened.
  • Hit any user to continue.
  • Honesty IS the best policy unless you're an exceptionally good liar.
  • Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense.
  • Hope is a good thing, and a good thing never dies.
  • How can I know what I think until I hear what I say?
  • How did a fool and his money GET together in the first place?
  • How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
  • How many boards would the mongols hoard, if the mongol hordes got bored??
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I

  • I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
  • I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything.
  • I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  • I hate quotations. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • I have amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I have forgotten this before.
  • I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
  • I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
  • I haven't lost my mind - it's backed up on tape somewhere
  • I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
  • I installed a skylight, now the people who live above me are furious.
  • I may get older but I refuse to grow up!
  • I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
  • I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
  • I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
  • I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.
  • I'll be back... hehehehe
  • I'll have to think twice about it before I give it a second thought.
  • I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere?
  • I'm just nobody, but since nobody is perfect, I'm perfect !
  • I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
  • I'm not deaf. I'm ignoring you.
  • I'm really enjoying not talking to you. Let's not talk again real soon, OK?
  • I'm so poor, I can't even pay attention!
  • I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane.
  • If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
  • If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
  • If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
  • If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
  • If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
  • If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.00.
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.
  • If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL!
  • If man was intended to fly it would be easier to get to the airport.
  • If nobody uses it, there''s a reason.
  • If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?
  • If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
  • If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
  • If we agree on everything, one of us isn't thinking.
  • If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
  • If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
  • If you go into a situation with nothing planned, sometimes wonderful stuff happens. -Jerry Garcia
  • If you had everything,...where would you put it?
  • If you judge, investigate. -Seneca
  • If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.
  • If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory.
  • If you want good service, then serve yourself. -Spanish Proverb
  • If you want truly to understand something, try to change it. -Kurt Lewin
  • If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
  • If your nose runs and your feet smell, you're built upside-down.
  • Ignore alien orders.
  • In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty. -Christopher Morley
  • In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
  • Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.
  • Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
  • Interchangeable parts won't.
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • It can't hurt but help us.
  • It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
  • It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
  • It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you!
  • It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
  • It's as easy as 3.14159265358979232846 . . .
  • It's not a matter of where you stand but in what direction you're headed.
  • It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
  • It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
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J

  • Journalism is merely history's first draft. -Geoffrey C. Ward
  • Jumping to conclusions can be a bad exercise.
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L

  • Laugh and people will laugh with you. Snore and you will snore alone.
  • Laughing on the outside, paneling on the inside, ...
  • Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
  • Learn to expect the unexpected.
  • Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
  • Let's roll up our elbows and get to work.
  • Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
  • Life's Law: Nothing ever happens until it does.
  • Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
  • Look at the camera and say "birdie".
  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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M

  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • Make sure brain is in gear before engaging mouth.
  • Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
  • Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
  • Money often costs too much. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye, Captain... 300 DPI?"
  • Murphy was an optimist.
  • Murphy's Corollary: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
  • My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done.
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N

  • Nature sides with the hidden flaw.
  • Never attribute to malice what can by adequately explained by stupidity.
  • Never replicate a successful experiment.
  • Never underestimate the stupidity of anyone
  • No experiment is reproducible.
  • No great man ever complains of want of opportunity. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.
  • No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.
  • No sooner said, the better.
  • Not breaking the rules, just testing their elasticity.
  • Nothing ever goes away.
  • Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
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O

  • Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
  • Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
  • Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
  • One only learns from one's mistakes. Sometimes one never learns.
  • "One person can make a difference, and every person should try." -JFK
  • One Soviet invasion can spoil your whole day.
  • One thing is certain. If you can laugh at your troubles, you will always have something to laugh at.
  • Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.
  • Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.
  • Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
  • Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
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P

  • Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
  • People are always available for work in the past tense.
  • People will believe anything if you whisper it.
  • People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
  • Philosopher (n): A blind person in a dark room looking for a black hat that is not there.
  • Photons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic!
  • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
  • Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
  • Press ESC once to quit, twice to continue...
  • Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
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Q

  • Questionable: what the police do when they interrogate a cow's husband.
  • Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
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R

  • RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
  • Read my chips: No new upgrades!
  • Real programmers confuse XMAS & Halloween: DEC 25=OCT 31!
  • Real programmers use 'COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE.'
  • Reality is just another point of view.
  • Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
  • REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
  • Reputation: what others are not thinking about you.
  • Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress. -Thomas A. Edison
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S

  • SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
  • Shell to DOS...Shell to DOS.... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
  • Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"
  • Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
  • Simplicity is the beginning of all thing complicated.
  • Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
  • Smile more -- give your cheek bones some exercise!
  • Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to or where you escaped from :)
  • Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
  • Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
  • Speed doesn't kill; running into slow things kills.
  • Success comes in a can. Failure comes in a can not.
  • Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
  • Supplement: A .44 Magnum beats 4 aces
  • Survey said: Three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
  • SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.
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T

  • Take my advice, I'm not using it.
  • Television has opened many doors -- mostly on refrigerators!
  • That takes the cake -- and eats it, too.
  • That's all water over the bridge now.
  • The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
  • The chief cause of problems is solutions.
  • The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
  • The difference between stupidity and genius is that there is a limit to genius.
  • The earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
  • The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  • The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
  • The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
  • The Higher You Soar, The Smaller You Appear To Those Who Cannot Fly
  • The highway of life is always under construction
  • The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
  • The impossible is often the untried. - Jim Goodwin
  • The meek shall inherit the earth - - - - they are too weak to refuse.
  • The most delicate component will be dropped.
  • The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed.
  • The name is Baud......, James Baud.
  • The nicest thing about the promise of spring is that sooner or later she'll have to keep it. -Mark Beltaire
  • The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
  • The only time you don't fail is the last time you try anything--and it works. -William Strong
  • The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
  • The only weapon that becomes sharper with constant use is the tongue.
  • The other line moves faster.
  • The real world is a special case.
  • The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
  • The solution to the problem changes the problem.
  • The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.
  • The worst of all deceptions is self-deception. - Plato
  • There are three types of people -- those who can count, and those who can't.
  • There is more to life than increasing its speed.
  • There is no excuse for laziness, but I'm working on it.
  • There is no failure except in no longer trying. - Elbert Hubbard
  • There is no greater sorrow than to recall a time of happiness in misery.
  • There's a flaw in the ointment.
  • There's always one more bug.
  • There's no surefool way of proceeding.
  • There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
  • Things are only impossible until they're not.
  • Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
  • This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
  • This sentence no verb.
  • Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
  • Those who can't write, write help files.
  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
  • Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
  • Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
  • To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
  • To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
  • To err is human;..to moo bovine.
  • To hell with the Prime Directive; Let's KILL something!
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U

  • Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
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V

  • "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
  • "Vu Ja De" - the feeling that you've never been anywhere.
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W

  • Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • We do not remember days; we remember moments.
  • We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
  • We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
  • We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry. -John Webster
  • We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
  • We're lost but we're making good time.
  • What if there were no more hypothetical situations?
  • What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
  • What is a retorical question?
  • What is another word for "thesaurus"?
  • What is ignorance?
  • What's a nice person like me doing in a place like this?
  • When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
  • When everyone agrees with me, I know I'm wrong.
  • When in doubt, do as doubters do.
  • When in doubt, don't bother.
  • When in doubt, ignore it.
  • When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
  • When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
  • When there's a will, I want to be in it.
  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
  • Who cares about apathy?
  • Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
  • Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
  • Why is abbreviation such a long word?
  • Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
  • Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
  • Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
  • Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
  • Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
  • Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
  • Without Time, everything would happen at once.
  • Wouldn't it be nice if commmon sense really were common.
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Y

  • You *can* fool all the people all the time
  • You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humour teaches tolerance.
  • You can observe a lot just by watching.
  • You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
  • You get the most of what you need the least.
  • You never find a lost article until you replace it.
  • You're treading on thin ground.
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THIS PAGE WAS DESIGNED BY ROSHAN N. SEMBACUTTIARATCHY ON 12TH APRIL1997.
Last Updated on: 20th April 1997
This page is http://cyberjester.home.ml.org/taglines.htm