0-9

11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbour's Pentium.
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

A

A Closed Mouth Gathers No Feet
A computer never forgives or forgets.
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
A good friend knows what you need before you ask.
A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
A man of few words lacks vocabulary!
A path without obstacles probably leads nowhere.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
All computers wait at the same speed.
All general statements are false.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
"All the world's a stage; the play was just badly miscast." --Oscar Wilde
All true wisdom is found in taglines.
All true wisdom is found on computers.
All true wisdom is found through juggling.
All true wisdom is found through programming.
All true wisdom is found through yo-yos.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
All's well that ends.
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
An ounce of keeping-your-mouth shut sure beats a ton of explanation.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
And pray tell, whose imagination are you a figment of?
And which parallel universe did you crawl out of???
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
Any product cut to length will be too short.
Any program will expand to fill available memory.
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times, definitely will.
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As a rule, the freedom of any people can be judged by the volume of their laughter.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

B

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Be different, act normal.
BE REALISTIC: Plan for a miracle
Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
Before they made him, they broke the mold.
Before you meet your handsome prince you may have to kiss a lot of toads.
Being normal is driving me crazy.
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Bouncy ball is the source of all goodness and light.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
BUREAUCRACY: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

C

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer switch to BASIC.
C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Change is inevitable -- except from a vending machine.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage
Commands don't kill programs; programmers kill programs!
"Common sense is genius dressed in it's working clothes" - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
Conscience: What hurts when everything else feels so good.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Consultant: n. One who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then keeps the watch.
Continue to be yourself because in the end that's what people will remember about you.

D

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
DANGER! I drive like you do.
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Did I tell you I went to a seminar about memory enhancement?
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. -Seneca
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
DISCLAIMER: I have nothing to do with anything at all. PERIOD.
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
Documentation - The worst part of programming.
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Don't ask me any questions. I just might tell you the truth.
Don't get mad, get even.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
Double your drive space - delete Windows!
Drive defensively -- buy a tank.

E

E = mc^2 +- 3db
E-mail pigeons nest in binary trees.
E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
EMBARASSMENT: Spitting out the car window when it isn't open.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.

F

Famous Last Words: "Hey! This really is a bottomless pit!!!"
Feed a stranger's expired parking meter...he may someday feed yours....
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Forgive and remember.
Formula for success: Underpromise and overdeliver. -Tom Peters
Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.

G

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Good day for a bread maker: finding a four loaf cleaver.

H

Happiness can't buy money.
Happiness is a state of mind... take time to laugh.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Hard work may not kill me, but why take chances.
Have you noticed that the wrong phone numbers are never busy?
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
He who forgives ends the quarrel. . . . .
He who hesitates is probably right.
He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
Help support helpless victims of computer error.
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
History does not repeat itself, but it often rhymes. --Mark Twain
History is an inaccurate narration of what ought not to have happened.
Hit any user to continue.
Honesty IS the best policy unless you're an exceptionally good liar.
Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense.
Hope is a good thing, and a good thing never dies.
How can I know what I think until I hear what I say?
How did a fool and his money GET together in the first place?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How many boards would the mongols hoard, if the mongol hordes got bored??

I

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I hate quotations. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I have forgotten this before.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
I haven't lost my mind - it's backed up on tape somewhere
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
I installed a skylight, now the people who live above me are furious.
I may get older but I refuse to grow up!
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I'll be back... hehehehe
I'll have to think twice about it before I give it a second thought.
I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere?
I'm just nobody, but since nobody is perfect, I'm perfect !
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I'm not deaf. I'm ignoring you.
I'm really enjoying not talking to you. Let's not talk again real soon, OK?
I'm so poor, I can't even pay attention!
I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane.
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.00.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.
If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL!
If man was intended to fly it would be easier to get to the airport.
If nobody uses it, there''s a reason.
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
If we agree on everything, one of us isn't thinking.
If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
If you go into a situation with nothing planned, sometimes wonderful stuff happens. -Jerry Garcia
If you had everything,...where would you put it?
If you judge, investigate. -Seneca
If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.
If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory.
If you want good service, then serve yourself. -Spanish Proverb
If you want truly to understand something, try to change it. -Kurt Lewin
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you're built upside-down.
Ignore alien orders.
In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty. -Christopher Morley
In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.
Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
It can't hurt but help us.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you!
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
It's as easy as 3.14159265358979232846 . . .
It's not a matter of where you stand but in what direction you're headed.
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

J

Journalism is merely history's first draft. -Geoffrey C. Ward
Jumping to conclusions can be a bad exercise.

L

Laugh and people will laugh with you. Snore and you will snore alone.
Laughing on the outside, paneling on the inside, ...
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
Learn to expect the unexpected.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Let's roll up our elbows and get to work.
Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
Life's Law: Nothing ever happens until it does.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Look at the camera and say "birdie".
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

M

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Make sure brain is in gear before engaging mouth.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
Money often costs too much. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye, Captain... 300 DPI?"
Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy's Corollary: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done.

N

Nature sides with the hidden flaw.
Never attribute to malice what can by adequately explained by stupidity.
Never replicate a successful experiment.
Never underestimate the stupidity of anyone
No experiment is reproducible.
No great man ever complains of want of opportunity. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.
No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.
No sooner said, the better.
Not breaking the rules, just testing their elasticity.
Nothing ever goes away.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

O

Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
One only learns from one's mistakes. Sometimes one never learns.
"One person can make a difference, and every person should try." -JFK
One Soviet invasion can spoil your whole day.
One thing is certain. If you can laugh at your troubles, you will always have something to laugh at.
Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.
Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

P

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
Philosopher (n): A blind person in a dark room looking for a black hat that is not there.
Photons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press ESC once to quit, twice to continue...
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

Q

Questionable: what the police do when they interrogate a cow's husband.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

R

RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
Real programmers confuse XMAS & Halloween: DEC 25=OCT 31!
Real programmers use 'COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE.'
Reality is just another point of view.
Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
Reputation: what others are not thinking about you.
Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress. -Thomas A. Edison

S

SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
Shell to DOS...Shell to DOS.... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"
Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
Simplicity is the beginning of all thing complicated.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Smile more -- give your cheek bones some exercise!
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to or where you escaped from :)
Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
Speed doesn't kill; running into slow things kills.
Success comes in a can. Failure comes in a can not.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Supplement: A .44 Magnum beats 4 aces
Survey said: Three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.

T

Take my advice, I'm not using it.
Television has opened many doors -- mostly on refrigerators!
That takes the cake -- and eats it, too.
That's all water over the bridge now.
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that there is a limit to genius.
The earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
The Higher You Soar, The Smaller You Appear To Those Who Cannot Fly
The highway of life is always under construction
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
The impossible is often the untried. - Jim Goodwin
The meek shall inherit the earth - - - - they are too weak to refuse.
The most delicate component will be dropped.
The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed.
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
The nicest thing about the promise of spring is that sooner or later she'll have to keep it. -Mark Beltaire
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
The only time you don't fail is the last time you try anything--and it works. -William Strong
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The only weapon that becomes sharper with constant use is the tongue.
The other line moves faster.
The real world is a special case.
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
The solution to the problem changes the problem.
The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.
The worst of all deceptions is self-deception. - Plato
There are three types of people -- those who can count, and those who can't.
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
There is no excuse for laziness, but I'm working on it.
There is no failure except in no longer trying. - Elbert Hubbard
There is no greater sorrow than to recall a time of happiness in misery.
There's a flaw in the ointment.
There's always one more bug.
There's no surefool way of proceeding.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Things are only impossible until they're not.
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
This sentence no verb.
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
Those who can't write, write help files.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
To err is human;..to moo bovine.
To hell with the Prime Directive; Let's KILL something!

U

Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.

V

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Vu Ja De" - the feeling that you've never been anywhere.

W

Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
We do not remember days; we remember moments.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry. -John Webster
We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
We're lost but we're making good time.
What if there were no more hypothetical situations?
What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
What is a retorical question?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
What is ignorance?
What's a nice person like me doing in a place like this?
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
When everyone agrees with me, I know I'm wrong.
When in doubt, do as doubters do.
When in doubt, don't bother.
When in doubt, ignore it.
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Who cares about apathy?
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
Without Time, everything would happen at once.
Wouldn't it be nice if commmon sense really were common.

Y

You *can* fool all the people all the time
You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humour teaches tolerance.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
You get the most of what you need the least.
You never find a lost article until you replace it.
You're treading on thin ground.

Back to Home Page

THIS PAGE WAS DESIGNED BY ROSHAN N. SEMBACUTTIARATCHY ON 12TH APRIL1997.
Last Updated on: 20th April 1997
This page is http://cyberjester.home.ml.org/taglines.htm