Electronic Engineer's Girlfriend

Unfortunately, I seem to have misplaced the text file containing all the
entries for the "Top Ten Original Humour" competition. :( I think I'll have
to collect the articles again.  

So, if you have any original humour (something you yourself have written,
or something that has happened to you) of your own creation, send it in for
the "Top Ten Original Humour" competition.  I'll select the best ten, and
send them on to the list.  Then, there'll be a vote, and we'll select the
best three.  BTW, whoever comes in first place gets something special!  So,
send in your humour articles (original) to cyberjester@poboxes.com

I've completely revised the web site.  Looks much more professional now.
(*pat on back!*)  And due to numerous requests, I have put a *small*
picture of myself on the site.  You can see it in the "About Me" section at
http://cyberjester.home.ml.org 

                                                    Roshan Sembacuttiaratchy
                                                    The CyberJester

                    _,.-*~'^'~*-.,__,.-*~'^'~*-.,_

Yesterday afternoon my girlfriend and I had lunch together. Afterward, she
accompanied me back to work. I thought this slightly unusual, since she had
never before expressed in interest in my work (electronic engineering), but
it didn't occur to me that she had something planned.
     
We arrived at my workbench, where I currently trying to figure why the
board on which I am working is not performing the way it is designed. "Is
this where you work?" she asked. 
     
"At the moment," I replied.
     
I reached over to turn on the scope, thereby completely failing to notice
the huge black studded collar she had produced from her purse. Before I
could blink (it's amazing the speed at which she can do this), she had
locked the collar snugly around my neck, and locked the end of the 6 foot
jack chain to the center of the bench ( where there just happened to be a
mounting hole). I turned to her in utter disbelief, mouth agape. 
     
"I'll be back for you at five," she said.
     
"HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY WACKO!??!?!", I yelled in a hushed voice.  "How
am I going to explain this!?!?!" 
     
"You'll think of something", she said, "you always do". 
     
"But suppose I have to go to the bathroom", I countered.
     
"Don't give me that", she hissed, "I've seen you go a whole day without
visiting the bathroom" 
     
"But....," I tried to say.
     
"SHHH! The subject is closed. I'll be back at five. Bye"
     
She turned around and left, against my hushed protests. I sat in panic and
tried to think out my situation. I tried to think of who might visit. 
     
Most of my co-workers were friends who knew that my girlfriend and I were a
bit odd, so this shouldn't surprise them. But I had *no* idea what I was
going to do if one of my bosses came in. I checked my watch to see how long
I would have to endure this ignominy. 13:30 (I'm a military time weenie).
"Three and a half hours," I thought. I heaved a heavy sigh, and got to
work, such as I could.  As it happened, three of my co-workers visited for
what-not. All of them immediately noticed the collar (it would be hard not
to) and asked if it was my girlfriend's idea. I said yes. They asked what I
would do if my supervisor saw it. I told them I hadn't the faintest idea. 
     
One of the aforementioned colleagues took the bench next to me, and after a
few remarks (and a question as to where he could get such a collar),
settled down to work in silence. 
     
After some time, I checked my watch. 16:40. "Gee, I just might make it
through this after all," I thought. I was even beginning to get a handle on
the problem with the board on which I was working. Murphy must have been
standing right behind me, reading my thoughts, for not two minutes later
one of my bosses entered the room. And not just any boss.  Noooooooo.  This
was Mr. Narrowminded himself. This was the guy who took Lifespring *and*
became a born-again fundamentalist. How he came to have the power of
hire-and-fire over us is one of the Great Mysteries of The Universe. We
avoided this guy at all costs. 
     
His eyes fell upon me immediately. A few picoseconds later, he saw the
collar around my neck in all it's splendor. "My life is over," I thought. 

I still hadn't thought of a plausible explanation for this. Mr Solderbrain
(the name we called him behind his back; a corruption of his real name)
started to walk slowly and deliberately over to me, his eyes fixed on the
collar. Fifteen agonizing seconds later, he was standing next to me. I
thought the guy sitting next to me was going to have seizures stifling all
his giggles. I continued to work, acting as though there were nothing the
least bit unusual about my predicament. 
     
Finally, he spoke.
     
"What. the. HELL! is. THAT!?!?!" he said.
     
I don't know how I thought of what I said. In fact, I'm pretty sure I
didn't know what I was going to say until I was saying it. I'm even more
amazed that Solderbrain actually bought it and didn't fire me on the spot. 
     
I turned to face him calmly, with total nonchalance, exuding complete
confidence in what I was about to say, even though I didn't know what it
was yet. I didn't even miss a beat. 
     
"Grounding strap," I said, and returned to work.
     
The guy next to me fell off his chair and nearly died laughing.
     
Thanks to DMiles for this contribution

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This message was sent on 14 April 1997