A Christmas Message

Our little(?) humour list is now almost one year old.  Started with around
20 addresses in January '96, and now stands at over 7500!  I hope all these
people find the list to be a good source of humour.  As usual, you can send
mail to jester@poboxes.com and voice your comments or criticisms.  

This is the last mailing for 1996.  I'll resume the mailings on January 6th.
(BTW: My b'day is on January 4th. :)  

Thank you for all the Christmas greetings (cards and e-mails) everyone had
sent.  

Here's wishing all of you a Merry Christmas, and a very happy New Year!  And
remember:  Keep Smiling!
                                      Roshan Sembacuttiaratchy
                                      The CyberJester
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My holiday wish - for a start
The living of love in your heart
A Christmas of laughter
Remembered long after
With friendship a very big part

Happy New Year is now drawing near
We'll sing auld lang syne so sincere
Resolutions abound
New goals will be found
For now I'll just wish you good cheer!
                         
Wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
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iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii <---| The length of the i portion should be the same as MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM <---| the length of the M portion of this line. If the above lines are NOT of equal width, you'll have to change the font to a fixed-width font. If your e-mail software is MS Windows based, then you can select a font such as Terminal, Courier or FixedSys. If you can't change your font for whatever reason, then you won't be able to make out the following. :( But go on, as there is a message at the end. SEASONS GREETINGS _...._ \ _ / .::o:::::. (\o/) .:::'''':o:. / \ :o:_ _:::>*<`:}_>()<_{:'>0<@< @ `'//\\'` @>>>@<<* @ # // \\ # @>@>*<0<<< __#_#____/'____'\____#_#_>*>>@<<<@<< [_________________________]>@>>0<<<*<<@< |="_-" .-/\ /\ /\ /\--.="_-|">*>>0<<@<<<@<<< |-_="|" \ \\ \\ \\ \ |-_="-|">@>>*<<@<>*<<0<*< |_="-=|" / // // // / |_="-_|" \*/>0>>*<<@<>0><<*<@<< |="_-" |`-'`-'`-'`-' |="_=-|" ___\\U//___>*>>@><0<<*>>@><*<0<< |="_-|" o o |_="=_|" |\\ | | \\|>@>>0<*<<0>>@<<0<<<*<@<|=_- | ! ( ! |="-_=|" | \\| | _(UU)_>((*))_>0><*<0><@<<<0<*<-,-=| ! ). ! |-_-="|" |\ \| || / //||.*.*.*.|>>@<<*<<@>><0<<<((=_| ! __(:')__ ! |="_==|" |\\_|_|&&_// ||*.*.*.*|_\\db//__ (\_/)-|/^\="^=^^=^=/^\|" _="_|" """"|'.'.'.|~~|.*.*.*| ____|_="('Y')=//,------------." |'.'.'.| ^^^^^^|____|>>>>>>|  ( ~~~ )/(((((((())))))))   
    ~~~~~~~~         '""""`------'  `w---w`  `------------'

NASA News
National Aeronautics and Space Administration

John F. Kennedy Space Center
Kennedy Space Center, Florida 32899
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For Release: Joel Wells 				Dec. 18, 1996

KSC Release No. 150 - 96

SANTA HAS NASA'S GREEN LIGHT TO USE SHUTTLE LANDING FACILITY

	The Kennedy Space Center's Shuttle Landing Facility will again be available
for emergency landings by venerable old Saint Nick should problems develop
during his annual visit to the world's children.  This continues a tradition
established shortly after the opening of the SLF in the 1970s.

	The SLF was completed in the late 1970s as part of the center's buildup for
Space Shuttle operations.  The 15,000-foot-long, 300-foot-wide landing strip
is among the world's largest and could provide a welcome haven for Santa
Claus in the event of reindeer problems or mechanical difficulties with his
new, high-tech sleighs.

	Santa has gone to high-tech, state-of-the-art sleighs in recent years due
to the increasing population of kids and the greater workload this has
imposed.  His reindeer aren't getting any younger, either, and the new,
lighter sleighs are made of advanced composite materials to lighten their
burden.

	Space Shuttle orbiters are guided to precision landings at the Spaceport's
SLF by a Tactical Air Navigation (TACAN) system and Microwave Scanning Beam
Landing System (MSBLSS).  Santa has equipped his new sleighs with flight
units capable of establishing contact with them should a landing here be
necessary.

	Other recent improvements include improved brakes, enhanced nose runner
steering and braking parachute. Santa has also incorporated stealth
technology into the new designs to reduce their radar profiles.  "I have to
make deliveries in countries that are not at peace with one another," said
Claus.  "Even though the kids have behaved themselves, some of the
grown-ups' anti-aircraft  guns still pose a threat to my reusable launch
vehicle."

	No government expense is involved in making the SLF available to Saint Nick
on Christmas Eve.  No personnel will be on duty and the automated landing
systems will be left on in the automatic mode.

	Has Santa ever had to make a forced landing at KSC?

	"We have no actual proof," commented an SLF manager, who spoke only with
assurances of anonymity.  "But the morning after a real cold Christmas
several years ago we found a twisted sleigh runner we've never been able to
account for."

Thanks to Michael Edmondson for this contribution.

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This message was sent on 20 Dec 1996