Computer Terms

ANALOG:  Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered with crushed nuts
BACKUP:  Opposite of go forward
BATCH PROCESSING:  Making a lot of cookies at once
BIT:  12-1/2 cents
BRANCH:  If watered, it will grow into a computer club (see computer club)
BUG:  1. Programmer's term for a feature.  
      2. An elusive creature living in a program which makes it incorrect.  
         Note:  The activity of "debugging" or removing bugs from a program 
         ends when a programmer gets tired of doing it, not when all 
         the bugs are removed
CHARACTER DENSITY:  The number of very weird people in the office, divided
by the floor space
COMPUTER:  A device designed to speed and automate errors
COMPUTER CLUB:  Used to strike computer forcefully upon receiving error messages
CODING:  An addictive drug
COMPILE:  A heap of decomposing vegetable matter
COMPILER:  Noah Webster (1758-1843)
CONSOLE:  What one does to a "down" computer
CURSOR:  An expert in 4-letter words
DUMP:  A system programmer's work area
FEATURE:  Hardware limitation as described by a marketing representative 
HARDWARE:  The parts of a computer which can be kicked
KEYBOARD:  An instrument used for entering errors into a system
LANGUAGE:  A system of organizing and defining error messages
LOOP:  See loop
MACHINE-INDEPENDENT PROGRAM:  A program which will not run on any machine 
MICROCOMPUTER:  One millionth of a computer
NULL STRING:  The result of a 4-hour database search
ONLINE:  The idea that a human should always be accessible; also what to do
when one isn't.
PASSWORD:  The nonsense word taped to your terminal

Thanks to Niluka Harshini Mahanama for this contribution.
 

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This message was sent on 6 Nov 1996