Classified Ads

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie
chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it carefully by hand.
 
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it
really repellent.

Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh
vagetables, salads, quiche.

Great Dames for sale.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
 
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
 
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.  Swim in
the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.  Automatically
burns toast.

Stock up and save.  Limit: one.

Save regularly in our bank.  You'll never reget it.

Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.

For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated?  Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale.  Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted.  Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school.  Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child.  Fenced yard, meals, and
smacks included.

Auto Repair Service.  Free pick-up and delivery.  Try us once, you'll never
go anywhere again.

Wanted: Preparer of food.  Must be dependable, like the food business, and
be willing to get hands dirty.

Illiterate?  Write today for free help.
  
Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled
inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Thanks to Al Broendel for this contribution.


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This message was sent on 22 Oct 1996