World's Heaviest Element

ADMINISTRANDIUM   WORLD'S HEAVIEST ELEMENT DISCOVERED

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by 
university physicists.  The element, tentatively know as Administrandium, 
has no proton and no electrons and thus has an atomic number of  0.  
However, it does have one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 70 vice neutrons 
and 161 assistant vice neutrons.  This gives it an atomic mass of 244.  
These particles are held together in the nucleus by a strong force that 
involves the continuous exchange of meson like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons it is chemically inert.  However it can be 
detected chemically  as it impedes every reaction it comes into contact 
with..  In one experiment researchers found that a minute amount of  
Administrandium added to a reaction caused the reaction to take four days. 
 Without the Administrandium the reaction took less than one second.
Administrandium has a normal half life of approximately three years at 
which time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a 
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant 
vice neutrons exchange places.  Preliminary studies suggest that in each 
of these reorganizations the numbers of neutrons actually increases..
Research indicates that Administrandium occurs naturally in the atmosphere 
but it tends to concentrate in artificial structures built on the lowest 
tender such a government agencies and universities.  It can usually be 
found in the newest, best equipped, best maintained and best appointed 
buildings.

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This message was sent on 27 Mar 1996